Not my self......at the moment

Life was never like this…at least not that I know of ….all I know is that right now I am just not myself …not happy …not satisfied with it …irritated ….why on the earth do I lack will power…why cant I just put in my best …I want to break free…I am not used to living my life with tensions …I always knew all I had to do was just turn around and exit …but then why does it seem so difficult to do.